Humility: Pride v. Jack*ss

Humility : the quality of being modest and respectful.

Thanks to my father's career in telecommunications, I had the opportunity to move around the U.S. about every 4 or 5 years. Each new childhood home was a bit different than the last; learning regional colloquialisms (it's no longer a shopping cart, it's a "buggy", you don't "pass out", you "fall out"), new climates, school and athletic schedules, etc.

I will openly admit, however, that building new friendships was always the most challenging of them all. I have never been a very forward person, and my childhood habits were no different. I tended to sit back and observe my classmates before making a move towards, "Hey, you wanna come over after school?" and definitely before, "Slumber party at my house this Saturday! Everyone's invited!" There was no calculated time frame that I mapped out before making new friends, I just wasn't in any rush. This helped me weed out the weirdos. A little patience up front meant no awkward avoidance later on.

When I was in one of my "observance" stages, another new girl moved to town. On day 1, everyone was scoping out her. On day 2, the lunch table where she dined was full. On day 3, she was passing out invitations for a slumber party at her house. How did she do it so quickly?

Now, I know what you're thinking. Amy, you were so obviously jealous! Sure, there was a small portion of me that was jealous. How could this complete stranger move in and in three days have a killer party set up with all of her new besties? It upset me. After that slumber party (I attended, by the way), new girl had tons of friends. But none of them seemed to be more than acquaintances. There were slumber parties and pool parties and pizza parties, but it was all very superficial. She was a nice enough girl, but there just wasn't much substance. On the flip side, thanks to my laid-back approach, I had a couple of super girlfriends that stuck by me through thick and thin. In elementary school terms, this means with or without pizza and soda-filled slumber parties.

This taught me a big lesson regarding humility. You can be as showy as you want, but if you don't have substance to back it up, what's the point? As an adult, I feel like this little lesson plays itself out on a multitude of levels: personal and professional relationships, mentors, even the guy or gal working out next to you at the gym. Why not strive to achieve the qualities of the folks you look up to?

A couple of years ago I witnessed an Adonis of sorts at the gym. This beefcake walked, didn't saunter, over to the rack of dumbbells and picked up a pair of 130 pound weights. Yes, one for each hand. He gently sat down on a bench and with great control reclined to a starting position for dumbbell chest press. Without grunting or screaming (I understand the need to brace the trunk and shoulders with a forceful exhalation, but...), he completed his set, and sat back up. He didn't toss his weights on the ground, flail his arms around and jump off the bench. He moved with purpose and control. It was amazing. I imagined if he were a football player he wouldn't have pranced around

for 5 minutes in the end-zone after scoring a touchdown.

It reminded me of a kettlebell seminar that I once attended in Oklahoma. The 5+ professionals who were leading the training were top in their field. Most of them had been published, one of them was a nationally ranked strong-man competitor and all of them were experts in their own right. My friend, Jason Marshall, was one of them and at the time was one of 16 team leaders in the world in his specialty. It is safe to say that these men looked pretty badass. Picture bald heads, goatees, perfect posture and a ninja-like presence. But Jason's level of professionalism dictated that his focus be placed on the client (seminar attendees) and not on his accolades. It was so refreshing to see these guys correct a 25 year old man with the same attention and care as they did with a 50 year old lady. Although their obvious physical prowess was certainly impressive, the pros had nothing to prove. It was their respect for others that was so refreshing.

Occasionally I will see a glimmer of hope amongst the swimmers that I coach. Like a barracuda, they are drawn to the shiny, showy stuff. It gets them excited and they want to soak up the light that is bouncing off of the disco-ball-like personality in front of them. But, after awhile, the light begins to fade and the smart kids realize that it's just a bunch of broken little mirrors around an empty space and they move onto something more real.

I suppose the point that I am trying to make is that putting everything out there may be great for a short-lived shock value of sorts, but it leads to a boring relationship. The fun thing about building relationships with others is the process of peeling back the layers of education, experience, personality, character and integrity. This respectful modesty is a trait to strive for.

Humility plays out on so many levels. Do you really want to spend time with the folks that are constantly bragging about how much money they make/spend, how busy/important they are, how fast they can ride or how much weight they can lift? With all of this "them, them, them", what do they need you for?

There is a fine line between pride and being a jackass. Strive to reach your goals, work your butt off and find a supportive network of friends and family that can keep you grounded. Be proud of your accomplishments. Don't be a jerk.

And don't throw too many slumber parties.