Humility: Pride v. Jack*ss

Humility : the quality of being modest and respectful.

Thanks to my father's career in telecommunications, I had the opportunity to move around the U.S. about every 4 or 5 years. Each new childhood home was a bit different than the last; learning regional colloquialisms (it's no longer a shopping cart, it's a "buggy", you don't "pass out", you "fall out"), new climates, school and athletic schedules, etc.

I will openly admit, however, that building new friendships was always the most challenging of them all. I have never been a very forward person, and my childhood habits were no different. I tended to sit back and observe my classmates before making a move towards, "Hey, you wanna come over after school?" and definitely before, "Slumber party at my house this Saturday! Everyone's invited!" There was no calculated time frame that I mapped out before making new friends, I just wasn't in any rush. This helped me weed out the weirdos. A little patience up front meant no awkward avoidance later on.

When I was in one of my "observance" stages, another new girl moved to town. On day 1, everyone was scoping out her. On day 2, the lunch table where she dined was full. On day 3, she was passing out invitations for a slumber party at her house. How did she do it so quickly?

Now, I know what you're thinking. Amy, you were so obviously jealous! Sure, there was a small portion of me that was jealous. How could this complete stranger move in and in three days have a killer party set up with all of her new besties? It upset me. After that slumber party (I attended, by the way), new girl had tons of friends. But none of them seemed to be more than acquaintances. There were slumber parties and pool parties and pizza parties, but it was all very superficial. She was a nice enough girl, but there just wasn't much substance. On the flip side, thanks to my laid-back approach, I had a couple of super girlfriends that stuck by me through thick and thin. In elementary school terms, this means with or without pizza and soda-filled slumber parties.

This taught me a big lesson regarding humility. You can be as showy as you want, but if you don't have substance to back it up, what's the point? As an adult, I feel like this little lesson plays itself out on a multitude of levels: personal and professional relationships, mentors, even the guy or gal working out next to you at the gym. Why not strive to achieve the qualities of the folks you look up to?

A couple of years ago I witnessed an Adonis of sorts at the gym. This beefcake walked, didn't saunter, over to the rack of dumbbells and picked up a pair of 130 pound weights. Yes, one for each hand. He gently sat down on a bench and with great control reclined to a starting position for dumbbell chest press. Without grunting or screaming (I understand the need to brace the trunk and shoulders with a forceful exhalation, but...), he completed his set, and sat back up. He didn't toss his weights on the ground, flail his arms around and jump off the bench. He moved with purpose and control. It was amazing. I imagined if he were a football player he wouldn't have pranced around

for 5 minutes in the end-zone after scoring a touchdown.

It reminded me of a kettlebell seminar that I once attended in Oklahoma. The 5+ professionals who were leading the training were top in their field. Most of them had been published, one of them was a nationally ranked strong-man competitor and all of them were experts in their own right. My friend, Jason Marshall, was one of them and at the time was one of 16 team leaders in the world in his specialty. It is safe to say that these men looked pretty badass. Picture bald heads, goatees, perfect posture and a ninja-like presence. But Jason's level of professionalism dictated that his focus be placed on the client (seminar attendees) and not on his accolades. It was so refreshing to see these guys correct a 25 year old man with the same attention and care as they did with a 50 year old lady. Although their obvious physical prowess was certainly impressive, the pros had nothing to prove. It was their respect for others that was so refreshing.

Occasionally I will see a glimmer of hope amongst the swimmers that I coach. Like a barracuda, they are drawn to the shiny, showy stuff. It gets them excited and they want to soak up the light that is bouncing off of the disco-ball-like personality in front of them. But, after awhile, the light begins to fade and the smart kids realize that it's just a bunch of broken little mirrors around an empty space and they move onto something more real.

I suppose the point that I am trying to make is that putting everything out there may be great for a short-lived shock value of sorts, but it leads to a boring relationship. The fun thing about building relationships with others is the process of peeling back the layers of education, experience, personality, character and integrity. This respectful modesty is a trait to strive for.

Humility plays out on so many levels. Do you really want to spend time with the folks that are constantly bragging about how much money they make/spend, how busy/important they are, how fast they can ride or how much weight they can lift? With all of this "them, them, them", what do they need you for?

There is a fine line between pride and being a jackass. Strive to reach your goals, work your butt off and find a supportive network of friends and family that can keep you grounded. Be proud of your accomplishments. Don't be a jerk.

And don't throw too many slumber parties.

Motivation = Magic Fairy Dust REPOST

Looking for an extra push this spring? Read on.

When it comes to clients, I have had many over the past 8 years. Some didn't get past the initial consultation and others lasted more than three years. Neither of them matter less than another - when I accept a new client I make an investment of my time and energy to ensure that they get the tools that they need to succeed. Unfortunately, I have little control over what my clients do with those tools. I can clean out their fridge, go grocery shopping with them, show them quick and healthy food options, work them out in multiple training sessions each week, but sometimes it just doesn't "click". Motivation comes purely from the client - I can't force it on anyone. I am pretty good at spotting who has motivation and who doesn't. Sometimes it's within the first 5 minutes of a consultation and sometimes it takes a week or two - but it always comes out.

My first client after moving to New Mexico was a woman named Beth. Beth was a former athlete who loved being active and really loved her job as a teacher. She wanted to lose a few pounds and improve her health because she and her husband wanted to start a family. We trained consistently with some small improvements, but things weren't coming together as quickly as Beth would have liked. We knew it all came down to what she was eating, so we took more care to dial in a cleaner plan. Beth's energy continued to improve, she was getting stronger and losing inches. Life was pretty good, but she struggled daily with eating clean and had a killer sweet tooth. Beth became pregnant and at 4 months, she stopped training to save some money for the baby, but continued to exercise on her own. 

Before Beth's pregnancy, she had some barriers to changing her eating habits. Rather than asking for support from her husband, she basically made 2 different meals because she wanted to make sure he didn't "sacrifice"while she was "dieting". She also liked to keep a candy bowl in the classroom for rewarding her students...but she often dipped into it herself. 

After the birth of her son, I checked in on Beth to see how she was doing. I knew that her newborn was having some pretty severe food allergies so things weren't going so smoothly. I was pleasantly surprised. Aside from the general exhaustion that all new moms face, Beth was doing great. Six  months after giving birth to her son, she was 15lbs lighter than before her pregnancy. She was ready to get active again. Sure, her breast feeding contributed to some of her weight loss, but she also changed her diet for the health of her son. We talked for awhile about her motivation.

"You know, Amy, I heard every single word you said to me about healthy eating. I thought, 'I got it'. We even sat down and created months worth of menus together that the whole family would enjoy. The saddest part is that I could never do it for me. It took some major health problems in my son for me to institute the simplest changes. And my husband is totally fine with the new food that I cook! He understands that there are other veggies out there aside from corn and green beans. It's so sad that I couldn't do it for me."

Beth isn't alone. The majority of clients that I see:

   - Know something  needs to change.

   - Seek out a professional to help guide those changes.

   - Go through the motions that the professional doles out. 

But where is the motivation? This is the magic fairy dust that makes everything work. In the past, I have had clients spend thousands of dollars on training packages, only to use a handful of their 100 fully paid-for sessions. Does money translate to investment? Absolutely not. The fact is this: a client must be intrinsically motivated. He/She must connect with the process. This isn't something that comes from a threat, a family member, etc. It comes from within. In Beth's case, her motivation finally came from the love of her son and wanting to see a happy, healthy baby.

To improve the client's motivation, he/she must be shown the value and enjoyment in the process of making changes / eating well / getting more active. This is the real root of the question, "What's in it for me?" Often when people dive into a weight loss program, it's all about the 'can'ts' and not the 'cans'. "Well, I can't eat blah blah blah anymore, this sucks. I can't stay up until midnight playing on my iPad. I hate this." If the client focuses on the benefits and pleasure of being healthier, changes are easier to sustain. Beth saw her happy baby and noticed that not only was she losing weight with the dietary changes that she made, but she was feeling pretty darn good. What new mom wouldn't want as much energy as possible to keep up with the little ones? 

Motivation shouldn't be complicated. Just ask yourself a few simple questions. The key is to be completely honest with yourself. Sample answers are provided.

  - What changes do I want to make?

       I want to lose 15 pounds; lose 3 dress sizes; run a mile

  - Why do I want to make these changes?

      class reunion; I am pre-diabetic; I want to support a friend who started running

  - What are the barriers that I face in making these changes?

      I work full-time; kids' after-school activities; money for athletic shoes

  - What are the benefits to these changes?

     Increased energy; improved mood; restful sleep; socialization with active friends

  - Who can help with direction / education / support?

      Certified professional; trusted physician; registered dietician; spouse

  - What's in it for me?

      self-confidence; energy for family; prolonged life; reduced risk of disease 

  - How will I reward myself for reaching milestones and my ultimate goal?

      buying smaller clothes! spa day; date night with spouse; nothing food related!
  - What do I lose if I go back to the way I was living before? I consider this the most important of all.
      I'd be disgraced, ashamed; knowing that I could have done it, but didn't; I'd lose my energy and confidence, happiness; I'd lose all the hard work toward bringing my lab results back to the normal range.

Sure, the questions are basic, but if you strip down your answers to the bare truth, you might just find what drives you.